Death's Retirement Plan
by alicat54
Summary: "Awesome," he took a steadying breath, "but I don't know how to be death." "Oh Dean," Death's smile sent chills down the soul's spine and would forever be marked in a memory box labeled 'Do Not Open'. "You have been preparing for this moment your whole life."
1. Chapter 1

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I dug this out of my files, thus I write it before I saw season 7. Don't expect any new stuff.

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Death has existed since matter became life.

The material plane- Earth- is his domain. He owned a quaint penthouse in hell, a bench in one of heaven's gardens, and a passing familiarity with purgatory.

Earth, however, will always be his domain, the same way demons lived in hell and angels in heaven.

Some time ago, Death decided to retire. It was impossible for things to stop dying (balance of the universe and all that) but the being called Death, the one who liked pizza and chips, felt that is was time for a change.

It would take some planning.

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Death's Guide to Retirement

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Step One: Find a replacement.

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A disturbance in the balance prompted Death to evaluate the performance of one of his reapers.

The reaper in question, named Darren, explained that a mortal human woman bound him to do her bidding. The preacher's wife would have continued her hypocritical murder spree (thereby disturbing the balance even more), if not for two young hunters. So really, Darren explained, he was not the one at fault and should be allowed to keep his position.

Death let Darren off with a warning instead of demoting him to a lower rank like he planned. He then took a stroll to find the 'two young hunters' in question.

The taller one already had the scent of sulfur in his soul, but the other...had possibility.

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Step Two: Your employees should become familiar with their future boss, to encourage comraderie.

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"I'm not up for review am I?" Tessa asked, nervousness touching the edge of her voice. "I had Dean Winchester, but his father cut a demon deal and... It was not my fault!"

Death hummed in his throat. "No," he said at last, "You are not in trouble." The reaper let out a silent sigh of relief. "But what did you think of him?"

"Who?"

"Dean."

"Uh," that appeared to be the last question she expected to be asked. "He is very stubborn, but eventually understood why he had to go. Most hunters try to stick around longer, so he is not the worst soul I've had to ferry."

A quiet smile touched Death's lips. "Good."

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Step Three: Build a close relationship and rapport with your replacement. Take him under your wing, and help him when he has problems, so he knows that he is appreciated.

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Death took another bite of pizza as Dean rushed back to his body. It was rather thoughtful of the human to take all the trouble to visit Death in his own realm, so the least he could do was humor him.

He took another bite of pizza. Maybe he would settle down in Detroit.

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Step Four: Let your replacement take the reigns for a day. See how he handles running things.

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"Kansas lyrics," Tessa wept. "He quoted Kansas Lyrics. But he did get the job done, yes."

Death chuckled.

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Step Five: Don't hold your replacement's hand every step of the way; let them learn how to work through difficult problems on their own.

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Death scoffed at the spelled chains clinging to his wrists. The magic's pull did not have nearly the pull that Lucifer's spell did, but he might as well indulge his replacement's efforts to contact him for help.

Stepping into the realm of the living, he eyed the Winchester brothers.

"It looks as though you've bound me."

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Step Six: Let your replacement become familiar with all locations of your business, so that he may appreciate the span of your work.

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Death mentally checked off another box on his to do list.

Earth, hell, heaven, and now purgatory. Those were the main realms in this reality that he looked after. Occasionally a pocket dimension would pop up, but Death was confident Dean could learn about those while on the job.

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Step Seven: Don't force your replacement to take over your business if he feels that he is not ready. Be patient, let them take time and ease into the idea of being in charge in their own time.

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Death fingered the metaphorical hour glass on his non-existent desk in the office a human might imagine to convey great power and wealth.

This paticular hour glass had been reset more times than Death would have liked, but thirty years or so more was inconsequential compared with the eternity of time.

Sighing, Death leaned back in his chair.

He couldn't wait for retirement.

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Dean Winchester gasped and sat up, a hand going to his chest where moments before a set of six inch claws had been lodged.

"What the hell?"

"Not quite." Dean sat up so quickly that had he a body, the movement would have left him reeling.

"Oh, hi. So I'm dead again?"

Death nodded. "Obviously."

Dean cast about. "So, uh, where am I going? Heaven kicked me out and well," he chuckled, "Hell doesn't want me either."

"Back to earth I would imagine."

Dean turned to look at Death, brows drawn. "What?"

"That is where all the living generally are, and with your new position you should remain close to your work, at least until you become more accustomed. It is not required of course, but I think you would want to make sure everything was in order before you go exploring."

Dean's expression did not change. "What?"

"You are my successor."

"I'm the new Death."

"Yes."

Dean's voice cracked with the frail hope that Death was pulling a joke. "Why?"

"You were the best candidate," Death said unconcernedly.

"I would hate to see your other applicants." Dean shakily got to his feet and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Can I say no?"

"You can, but it will not do you much good."

"The whole 'wheels in motion' thing?"

"Something to that effect."

Dean shifted from foot to foot, metaphorical muscles tense. "So I'll become a reaper."

"No, you would be Death."

"Like when I wore your ring?"

"Yes, but with all the perks that come with it."

"So I would be the boss."

"Essentially."

"Awesome," he took a steadying breath, "but I don't know how to be death."

"Oh Dean," Death's smile sent chills down the soul's spine and would forever be marked in a memory box labeled 'Do Not Open', "You have been preparing for this moment your whole life."

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	2. Avengers

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Avengers

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Dean soon learned that, despite being the personification of death, he did not need to be present for every suicide or heart attack.

He only needed to be present for the really big stuff.

Leaning back on the park bench he surveyed the skyline above him. This New York looked similar to a multitude of other New Yorks Dean had seen since taking up the mantle of death.

Something about the city attracted disasters like tourists, and it always made Dean smile to think that his home universe was unique in having Detroit be the center for the end of the world.

A beam of blue light impacted the sky and Dean sighed. "Here we go."

Apocolypses were boring, but he had to admit that the giant space whale was pretty awesome.

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End file.
